i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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