After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
