Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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