so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
