I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
