make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
