my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
