You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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