i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
