is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im part way to drunk.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
