I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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