you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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