I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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