what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did i walk over a car last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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