I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
