dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
