So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
