SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
