stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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