Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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