Will you blow on my dice?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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