he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
do nipples grow back?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
