im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
