ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
