Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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