and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize