listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
