Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
