He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
