Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
