apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize