I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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