You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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