and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
