We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
