last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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