I'm so fucking centered right now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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