I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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