i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
