he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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