She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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