the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
