Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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