I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
