i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize