she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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