remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
