I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
