i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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