She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
