She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
