Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
