I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
