i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
