Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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