that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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