I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
