Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
