she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
