if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize