I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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