I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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