someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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